Altruism, plain-vanilla vindication and the duality of man

"I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man,Sir!"

Thats what Private Jokes answers the General when beeing asked why he is wearing a "born to kill !"sticker and the peace symbol at the same time.

I havent been thinking about that comment for quite a while but after some "small scale clash of civilasations" and a bit of a reflection about that it felt as if it was written like the menetekel in tall letters against the wall next door to the mouldy aired hostel in santa marta: "your self-vindication outweighs, you suck !!!"

A few days before I went on a track to the famous ciudad perdida in the Sierran Nevada de Santa Marta for about 6 days.
We were about 15: 12 customers a guide and 2 carriers.

we had great fun on that track, alltough the last day ended up with some ... in the aftermath... quite stupid confrontation:

it was about the tip for the carriers: whe where not that shure about what would be a fair tip for them and so we asked the guide how the price we paid is shared among the company:
the price was about a 480 000 pesos (roughly a 240 US Dollars) and as you could expect the carriers only recieved a quite small share of the whole, while the company recieved about at 200000.

I considered that a tip in general should be something like a small share of the actuall loan (Iguess tipical european) and as they earned something like a 50 000 I planned to give like a 10 000 wish in total of 12 persons would be quite a lot more than the acutuall loan.
Some considered this way to less and I explainded myself that I consider it not as my duty to actually pay for the carries as I did that already by paying for the tour in the fist place.

And there it started:
what i had to here was: "please, dont come up with this typical neoliberal explanations right now, this is cruel!"

First I felt understood miseralby wrong and I kept on thinking for quite a while that my point of view was the right one.. but as I said in the first place: I had to realize that I was not.

Still as a matter of fact 10 000 is not a bat share compared to what the earnig is
the other truth is: a 10 000 is about 5 dollars, this is a 2,50 for each of the persons that carried for 6 days my food trough the hills of the rainforst in the sierra they cooked for me and where good company ... and I give am a lame 2,50.

I still kept to my opinion and in the end i actually jsut gave the 10000. bBut now i feel quite stupid about it.

I had to realize that that perosn how gave me that comment was actually quite right,.. and I feel even worse, not only that it took me so long to get the point but also that I still stick to ideas like that.

And there we are: the duality of man:

what i do back home :

- try to promote fairtrade in university and by talking to people
- go to protests and demposntrations like the one in heiligendamm to fight against western
practics in the world of trade
- buy fair trade products for quite expensive prices
- visit ethics, philosophy and humanrights classes
- visit projects of development cooperation in buenos aires
- I could keep on but i guess you gopt the point

but what do i do in Colombia?

- tip that guys for a week of hard labour with a 2 bucks 50
- bargain down(hard) old ladies who sell hand made art or coffee
- feel utlery disrespected and ripped of if that fruit juice guy at the corner charges me a 500
more than the actuall price is (so 80 cents intead of a dollar) (...)
- dont give money to beggars because i think they should try to work something

and you know what : i still feel vindicated about that.


what the fuck is that???

how can it be that I am not able to controll my ego in a way to be fine with beeing charged a bit more or justt pay a bit more because I can?
Triing to introduce fairtrade and that if I have the actual chance to pai them more right by miself: i try to get the price down.

ore society builts all its prosperity upon the exploitation of the workforce and the recoursec of the so called ldc and I still think to a pretty good thing by travelleing there and support their economy by spending money there.... but please"! not to much!!! ....

I did realize that before, but never in that direct and hard contrast. It is quite hard to give up one trough, connected to the according values for a nother one and trow the old one over board. and I havnt done it yet ..but i guess i should start trying.